Mother's Day 2021: The Gifts Left Behind

As my kids happily pranced into my bedroom this morning with their handmade cards, notes and gifts, a proud mama can't help but be filled with joy. They are always so excited to show me what they made me and I always feel so important to be served such wonderful little blessings still in my pajamas in bed. It gives this Mom a tiny moment of feeling like royalty.  The husband brings me coffee, breakfast, and flowers and a well thought out card that usually makes me cry. This has been a Mother's Day I have come to expect in my 14 years as a mother myself. Life has a way of spoiling us like that. We come to expect things and look forward to them. This is a good thing. It's God's grace that gives us these beautiful moments. 

Today is a Mother's Day I could never have anticipated. It doesn't matter how old your parents get, the loss of one is something you never want to anticipate and definitely can't imagine. They say that each of us experience certain moments in life that define us. Maybe starting a new job, getting married, having a baby and so on and so forth. They can be positive or negative. The dictionary would say that a defining moment is "an event that influences or changes all subsequent related occurrences." In a simpler form it could be described as a certain thing that happens that changes the trajectory of our lives. When that event occurs it could even be as simple as the "before" and the "after."

I'm in that "after" today. In a "before" Mother's Day I would be looking forward to spending it with my Mom. Even though my Mom had many other children, the luxury of proximity made Mother's day just about us. Of course the sentiment carried further north to our loving family but it was her and I that would make plans. We'd talk about what we wanted to do this Mother's Day and our spouses and my kids would listen on to make sure they could find ways to honor us. We'd exchange cards and gifts. So as my kids scurried in to bring my gifts this morning, the joy that I felt was suddenly met with a tinge of pain. I know exactly how my kids were feeling.  I had that same feeling whenever I handed my Mom a card or a gift (doesn't matter how old you get). The excitement as the receiver begins to open it. The anticipation of their reaction of this special thing you brought with them in mind. I don't get to do that today. We didn't make any plans. I'm in the "after."

 The last gift my mom gave me had this inscription on it,

Mother's Day 2020.
She wanted to ride bikes.

"I cannot promise that I will be here for the rest of your life...but I can promise that I will love you for the rest of mine." Little did I know that 4 months later her life here on Earth would come to an end. She fulfilled the promise on her gift to me so faithfully.  Her love was gentle but it was deep. It didn't come in the form of constant hugs and kisses or extravagant gifts. It came in the form of selflessness, placing her needs behind everyone else's and a desire to leave us with life lessons that would carry us through suffering and pain. Nearly every book she gave me has an inscription on the flyleaf. Every card she gave has words of love and encouragement in it. I've been feverishly digging through every box in every closet searching for all her cards and books she gifted me. This is just another way she showed love toward all those around her. She wrote the most heartfelt messages. 

I often say that I am an introvert pretending to be an extrovert. I don't share my heart with many. My mom knew it. She knew it well. I write as a form of speaking. I grew up journaling but due to a lack of time and desire I put the pen and notebook down for many years. This is my way of picking it back up again. Someone once said, "if you're not speaking it, you're storing it, and that gets heavy." I speak it out in my prayers and I'm speaking it out now in this blog. 

I would often call my Mom for prayer and for advice. I would sometimes ask her, "how should I say this?" She would say "you always say things so well why are you asking me?" I would sometimes feel guilty that I'd call her and be talking for many minutes, rambling on and on and never stopped for air. I would joke and say "I should start a blog!" She would say "yea right Jam! You don't have time for that!" So as the rebellious child I sometimes was....this one is for you Mom. 

In a book my Mother gave me dated Mother's Day 2008, her inscription on the flyleaf reads; 

    " My desire for you is that your heart would be toward the Lord, where all good things come from. He  will show you the one true way and give you the true life to your soul and an abundant heart filled with     joy, satisfaction and contentment. I pray you will enjoy where you are on the way to where you are         going and that you would treasure the Word of the Lord." 

 She placed a dog ear on page 43:

    " Oh the power of words! They can bring comfort, create laughter, shape opinions, spark ideas and inspire action. Because you are a smart woman, you know that your words are powerful. You will want to use them carefully. Don't waste them on activities unworthy of you. Don't squander them to gossip idly or to tear down other people. Your words, like your time, are valuable and best used promoting exciting new ideas and projects, making things happen. The woman who is busy going places and accomplishing great things doesn't have time to stop for gossip and petty chitchat. And that daughter, is you. You have places to go and things to do, and your truest path to achievement lies in the wise use of your words." 

    - Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29

Thank you Lord for a Mom like mine. 

My first blog is dedicated to your love... and your timeless gifts with the most precious words. 

Sources: 

2006. From a Mother's Heart to her Daughter. Nelson Books. Nashville, Tennessee. 

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