She is lovely!

Mom was easy to be around. She made everyone feel welcome and comfortable. Friends were easy to find for her. Probably because with Mom, there was always a light at the end of the tunnel. With Mom, you knew you would be genuinely listened to. Mom was honest and authentic. She never tried to pretend to be someone she was not. Her compliments were genuine. Her corrections were in love. She was reliable. Mom did what she said she would do, but she also extended herself to others in a way I had never seen before. She was lovely. She is lovely. I have spent the last year missing all these things about her. There is rarely a moment in my day when I am not thinking about her. Sometimes that is comfort, and sometimes it is extreme pain. It just depends on how badly I need a voice on the other end of the conversation I am having with her in my head. No, I am not crazy. I'm just a girl who misses her Mom. I walk into a room where she was, and then she wasn't every day. 


Mother's Day has shifted for me. Before 2021, today would have been fun. I would have taken a lot of pictures with Mom. We would have planned our outing and our meal together. Sometimes it was the beach, the park, an amusement park, or a BBQ, but Mom and I would have been together, and it would have been memorable. Today has shifted for me. My heart celebrates the privilege I have to be a mother to my own two children. But it is also silent. It extends towards those in grief over the loss of their own Mom, their child, or the inability to have one. Grief opens our eyes in this way. Spurgeon puts it this way, "I am afraid that all the grace that I have got of my comfortable and easy times and happy hours, might almost lie on a penny. But the good that I have received from my sorrows, and pains, and griefs, is altogether incalculable. Affliction is the best bit of furniture in my house." My Mom taught me this through her extraordinary example of grace under pressure. She was the most graceful, tolerant and patient woman. I might have said a time or two, "Mom you're a better woman than I." Oh..... and she was. 


Mom would have posted on Facebook today, she would have bragged all about what each of her children had done for her on Mother's Day. The truth is, whatever we did for her was never enough. She deserved everything, and I thought I had more time it to give her. But I didn't get more time. And no matter how much more time I was given, it still wouldn't have been enough. My comfort lies in knowing that nothing we could have done for her here on earth matches what she is experiencing now in heaven. 

 

"To go to heaven, fully to enjoy God, is infinitely better than the most pleasant accommodations here. Better than fathers and mothers, husbands, wives, or children, or the company of any, or all earthly friends. These are but shadows; but the enjoyment of God is the substance. These are but scattered beams; but God is the sun. These are but streams; but God is the fountain. These are but drops, but God is the ocean." -Jonathan Edwards

 

Thank you Lord for preparing a place for my mother in heaven. She has prepared her whole life to see it. 


In my last mother's day post to my Mom, i stated "I could never run out of beautiful things to say about you in a million mother's days!" I shall certainly not stop now. I'll leave you with this bit of story that I don't ever want to forget. My Mom was not the biggest animal person. She let us have them as kids because she knew we loved them. There was one time when I was about 9 or 10 years old when I saw a little puppy at the pet store. He was so cute, and I was oohing and awing over him. She of course told me we couldn't have him. He was kind of expensive. The next day when I got home from school, that puppy was at the house. She found a way to get that dog for me. A single Mom on one income. It turns out he was probably the worst dog I ever owned, but she tolerated him nonetheless :) Almost two years ago, when my favorite dog passed away very quickly due to cancer, my Mom was right there next to me. She let me tell my story.  She cried with me and I remember her saying "this is just so sad." She loved him because I loved him and took on my burden with me.

My Mom was a rare gift. When I continue to think on her character I can only feel gratitude (God's mercy).  It was a long road that got her to the place where the Lord took her home. He was refining her every step of the way and preparing her for the life to come. 

Mom, I hope He is preparing me a place right next to yours. Thank you for showing me the best way to be in this life, until the one to come. 

I love you Mom. Life isn't the same without you. I've never had so many thoughts left unsaid...until you were gone.  Happy Heavenly Mother's Day!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

It’s Father’s Day Again

Image
  When looking through our family photos you’ll regularly find someone smiling with their mouth wide open! It’s  the Hoffmann picture pose. I’m pretty confident we got this standard Hoffmann pose from my Dad. He was the life of the party. A total jokester. When others would comment on his children’s good looks, he would say things like…”good thing they look like their mother.” I commented to him how beautiful his grandchildren were to which he replied “they all look like me!” One time when I was a kid I told him that my face hurt. I was probably laughing too much or something. He replied “well it’s killing me!” Always joking! Always laughing at himself with that big crazy smile!  He taught me that laughter really is the best medicine. Even in the most chaotic of times I will always find something to laugh about.  My Dad was a sentimental man. He still had a drawing in his office that I sent him when I was like 10 years old. It said “Rad Dad” in graffiti letters on a ...
Read more

Do this...Not that (part 2)

Last week marked three years since my mother, Karen, passed from this life to the next. I usually like to spend some time alone reflecting on where I was, what I've grown from and God's tender mercy over my life but I couldn't because I was out of state chaperoning a trip. It was a blessed time with my daughter and her friends. It definitely was not a vacation, the schedule was packed and the sleep was minimal. I missed my Mom's prayers over us. I missed her texting and being genuinely interested in all the mundane details. There are very few people in your life interested in the boring parts of it. I've been revisiting one of the last conversations I had with her. I wish I could remember all that we said but I don't. What I do remember is me telling her how grateful I was to have her. She told me she was grateful to have me too.  I'm so glad we expressed these types of things to each other. I wish I would have written more things down. I'm taking the ti...
Read more

Do This... Not That (All in love)

My Dad had a very particular way of doing things. I must have inherited it from him because my Mom always told me I was very particular...in those exact words. It's been two years since my Dad's passing, and in honor of him, I write this today. He always showed me the correct way to do things: "do it this way Jam Jam."  I've dealt with sudden, unexpected loss and anticipatory loss, and I'm still working through the physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects of it all, but there are a few things I've learned. As we will all experience grief, I've committed myself to do some things differently in support of others who might be on a grief journey, knowing that it all has its particular DNA. You can do with this information what you will, but I am praying that one thing might help you help others dealing with immense loss. 1. Don't tell your grieving loved one what their person might have said to them. "Your Mom would have told you..." We hav...
Read more